Posted in
Church and Christian Community by Jeff Goins on 9/15/2008
Last night, I checked out a local church in the area. It was refreshing to go some place new and see how another group "does church." My friend asked me afterward how I liked it, and I told him that it was good, but church services generally don't impress or disappoint me. What I'm interested in is how they do community. Most people who consider themselves serious Christians attend church in some form, but how many really have a significant experience in community? Most of us are yearning for more authentic fellowship without understanding how to get there.
My wife and I just had some friends visit us this past week while they were on a road trip across the country. They haven't been to church in six months. They expressed a general dissatisfaction with church and confessed that they didn't know what they were going to do for community in the future. Interestingly, their detachment from a church building has liberated them to be more generous in ways that they otherwise would not have felt the freedom to explore. They've experienced a lot of criticism since they stopped going to church, but their trust in Christ and faithfulness to the Scriptures is probably the strongest ever.

I'm seeing that this kind of re-imagining of church is becoming more the "norm" in the lives of Christ-followers who are wanting to go deep in their faith.
Another friend recently took my
advice to be an initiator in a world full of followers and decided to put all her cards on the table at a recent church service. She expressed her discontent with bureaucratic religion, while sharing her desire to go deeper with Christ and his Body.
They shut her down. She's hurt and doesn't know where to go or what to do. But she knows that she can't give up on this longing to be understood, to connect with other people and experience God in the beauty of community. It appears that most people know that they were wired not just to connect with their Creator, but to also have meaningful relationships with other creations, as well. That, however, can be the messiest part.
Shaun Groves, a singer-songwriter-blogger wrote this about his search for community:
I once wanted, desperately wanted, a circle that needed me, that wanted me, a place full of people who felt something was missing when I wasn't there and noticed when I wasn't there. I wanted a community that wasn't impressed with my name, income, accomplishments or anything else.

I wanted intrusive relationships with the kind of people who, when they "saw
that coming," did everything they could - at the risk of ticking me off - to stop
that from coming. I wanted intimacy, closeness that wouldn't become distance when I made a mistake, or twenty, or a thousand - because I knew I would; just give me time. I wanted people I would do anything for: make sacrifices, get messy and uncomfortable, gladly. And I wanted them to do the same for me, not because they owed me but because they love me.
I looked for all this under steeples, on tour buses and in rental cars, in a cubicle farm, on-line, but found only crumbs: short moments, tiny glimmers of it. And as it sometimes does, lots of searching plus little finding added up to a head full of cynicism, a mouth pouring criticism and lot of other poisonous isms too.
We're all searching for community, but many Christians are over-spiritualizing church, making it the answer to all of their relational problems and the answer to all of their emotional needs, taking the place of God. Church can just be doing life together, which sounds awfully ordinary. And it is, but in that "ordinariness", there is something profound that connects one with the ancient faith of the Early Church.
Sadly, I find that most people would rather settle for an organization - something that is static, dead, and fixated on structure - than committing to an organism - something that moves, breathes, and changes shape. That's why I think many of us will be surprised at where we find true community. Shaun
goes on to say that he discovered at least part of it in the unconditional commitment of family. In a recent
interview I did with
Frank Viola, he suggested that house churches are the answer.
Where have you found community?
As they were leaving, my friend said he almost started to cry when the pastor said, "I'll be very upset if you try to serve in our church; we're going to serve you."
One of the ironies here is that my friend is leaving the church I currently attend to join this other church. But, I wanted show you that there are still churches that are being the Church. Just not mine, apparently.
If more people in their churches would realize this I think things could change.
We went to my in-laws church this weekend, and we were debating, in a bible class type forum why people don't go forward anymore. It was a class made up of mostly older people, and they were saying that was the problem with church today...all these young people with tons of sin, in their opinion, are going forward and publicly admitting their sins. I, being a younger person who just went through the unveiling of a lot of sin, wanted to shed some light on why people my age aren't going forward.
I politely said that we didn't want to be foder for gossip over everyone's afternoon lunch. There is no love in going forward. People might come to pat you on the back during the last song...but then you realize that they withdraw. They don't check on you or ask about anything...you just get a lot of silence...and you start to feel very unsafe. Like you have just aired a very deep deep wound...and really...no one cares. You feel very open and on display with no one to help you heal. She argued the point for a while, and not realizing that I was speaking from any kind of personal experience...she huffily, angrily, and cynically says..."Well, you must have been very hurt".
After class I walked up to her and again very nicely and loveingly explained to her that when she said that like that she proved my point. She didn't care that my opinion came from a place of hurt...matter of fact it made her more critical of me. She said she would rally around someone who had exposed sin...yet she couldn't bring herself to even be kind during the hypothetical...and that is what people see. They put themselves out there a little bit as a test...but they are crushed by people who have a very idealistic view of the church. People think they will act a certain way, but they fail almost everytime they are tested. The church is not a place to be trusted...people see that all the time in the actions of the people that attend.
I was not hurt by this encounter. I am in a good place. Still I feel the need right now while I am still in these churches to point out that people who are still very idealistic about the institutional church and how it operates hurt people. People need to realize that there church is not being the church. It makes them angry though.
I find that I am making people angry every time I step into a church these days. But I am challenging the status quo. I don't like what I see or what I have experienced, and i am going to very lovingly and pacifistically continue to point this out.
I believe the Church is undergoing a reformation in our day. I am one who believes that Martin Luther's Reformation stopped one step short. While Luther challenged the "priesthood of the beleiver" and forever settled that we don't need a priest to represent us before God; one more step should have been pursued. The Roman form of congregating together in front of one speaker talking for all others to hear and follow should have been abolished, as well.
For example, what if we truly followed the scriptural instructions of Ephesians 5:15-21 (READ) no matter how or when we gathered?
I see church and being a Christian as living.
I live Jesus. I live church.
Church is not a Sunday service, a denomination, nor a building. Church is how we live together. Church is (supposed to be?) community.
I applaud your friends who have undergone criticism for not going to church in 6 months. They have shown that "going to church on Sundays" isn't the cornerstone in the Christian faith, but rather Jesus is.
So, because we know that we are the 'church' (the body of Christ) then how we live and interact with one another becomes how we do church. And with that said, we definitely don't live our lives together just on Sunday mornings, in buildings, in pews.
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